If I Ain't Got You
by Sultan Peppershaker
Summary: [oneshot] He knows how he feels about her. The only thing he doesn't know is why she doesn't know...


**Hello, my lovelies… I'm back, yet again, with another standalone fic. I'm trying to wrap my mind around a longer story, so I'm writing a few standalones right now. But, I'm kind of in a manic-depressive mode right now, so… yeah, my stories _might _kind of show that.**

**I thank you all who have reviewed and/or read my stories (especially my latest, Ballad For The Lost Romantics). And… I eagerly await the reviews for this one!**

**I'll just get to the story now…

* * *

**

Phil watched Keely hold up two different shirts, trying to discern which she felt was more fit for wear. "What do you think?" she asked the dark-haired boy sitting on her bed.

"I'd go with the blue one," Phil answered.

Keely nodded and tossed the blue shirt on her bed.

"I'm all set, then," she breathed, the hint of a smile playing on her face.

"Yep… You're all set…" he muttered. "Well, I'll… I'll leave now… see you at school tomorrow?" The blond nodded, flashing her perky smile. He loved that smile.

And that wasn't all he loved.

But she'd never know that…

_**Whatcha doing tonight?**_

_**I wish I could be**_

_**A fly on your wall**_

_**Are you really alone?**_

_**Who's stealing your dreams?**_

_**Why can't I breathe you into my life?**_

_**(So tell me) What would it take to make you see that I'm alive?**_

…Not if she kept ignoring him. Not if she kept going out with other guys. No, she'd never know how he felt if she never let him tell her.

Tonight, she had a date with her new beau, Ricky. Another person, that, on any other terms, Phil probably would've gotten along with quite well. But, since he was going out with her, he felt resentful towards this 'Ricky' fellow.

He knew Ricky would eventually break up with Keely. Just like everybody else. And the lights inside her would be extinguished.

"_The Night The Lights Went Out In Keely Teslow's Heart_," starring Ricky Reynolds, Keely Teslow, and Phil Diffy.

He was always the one she'd run to for comfort.

He was always the one that she'd confide in.

Not Tia, not Via, _him_.

At first, he had no problem with consoling her. When Tanner had cheated on her, he had no problem cheering her up, despite the fact that she called him immature. But that was before things got complicated.

Plus, it got harder as time marched on. He wasn't sure how many more times he'd be able to watch her run off with the latest cute boy that she and her friends would drool over, while he was left aside. He was always left aside.

She always assumed that he'd be there when she needed him.

And what angered him more, was that he _would_ be there.

_**If I was invisible**_

_**Then I could just watch you in your room**_

_**If I was invincible**_

_**I'd make you mine tonight**_

_**If hearts were unbreakable**_

_**Then I could just tell you where I stand**_

_**I would be the smartest man**_

_**If I was invisible**_

_**Wait… I already am…**_

He was always there, waiting with open arms when her heart broke. He didn't want to be the shoulder to cry on.

With him, she'd never _need_ a shoulder to cry on.

Then again, she'd never know that. He was her friend. He was supposed to help her when she felt bad. That's what friends do. Friends don't date each other.

Why should they be any different than any other pair of friends?

Phil had a few reasons for that. For one, their friendship was different than everybody else's in the first place. He was stranded over one hundred years in the past. The way he saw it, the question was, Why should they be _the same _as everybody else? They didn't exactly have a normal friendship as it was… so wouldn't that give them some sort of exception to the dating rule? It made sense to him, anyway…

_**Saw your face in the crowd**_

_**I call out your name**_

_**You don't hear a sound**_

_**I keep tracing your steps**_

_**Each move that you make**_

_**Wish I could read what goes through your mind**_

_**(Oh baby) Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life…**_

Keely and Ricky were out on their fourth date, and Phil was sitting in his room, moping. He didn't want to be that rock in Keely's life anymore- he wanted to be with her, not to be relied on to be there for her.

He'd never really wanted to be that reliable friend-boy in the first place.

Barbara interrupted his thoughts as she announced that he had visitors. When he descended the staircase, he saw Via and Owen waiting by the door.

"Hey, guys," Phil greeted.

"We're worried about you, Phil," Owen said, and Via elbowed him in the stomach. _What?_ he mouthed at Via, who narrowed her eyes, and gave him a curt shake of her head. He acknowledged the gesture, and silenced himself.

"Phil, we've been noticing that you've been…" Via searched for the right word. "Extremely antisocial, lately."

"Yeah, so?" Phil asked. "What does it matter to you?"

"Well," Via continued, "it's just that… Keely just recently started seeing Ricky, and you started getting bitter at about that time as well. Is your behavior at all linked to her… current social status?"

Phil shook his head, as if that were the most ridiculous thing he'd heard in his life. "Why are you so quick to jump to conclusions?"

"We're just trying to help," Via said, Owen nodding in agreement. "Are you sure you're telling the truth?"

Phil sighed. "Yes," he lied.

"Well…" Via said, casting a doubtful look upon him, "if you want to talk, then you know how to reach us."

Phil nodded, and Via and Owen left the house, Owen opening an umbrella for the two of them. Phil sighed again.

_**If I was invisible**_

_**Then I could just watch you in your room**_

_**If I was invincible**_

_**I'd make you mine tonight**_

_**If hearts were unbreakable**_

_**Then I could just tell you where I stand**_

_**I would be the smartest man**_

_**If I was invisible**_

_**Wait, I already am**_

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)**_

_**Invisible**_

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)…**_

"Well what do you know?" Pim asked from behind him. "Phil's life isn't so perfect after all. Let me guess… girl troubles?"

"Stay out of this, Pim," Phil replied, not wanting to be seen or heard at that moment.

"Sorry, geekboy," she said. "I just wanted to know if you… wanted any… help with anything."

Phil straightened up. "Why would you want to help me?"

Pim sighed. "Phil… I've seen the way you act around Blon--… Keely. It's pretty pathetic, if you ask me. I mean… it's so obvious you like her, I'm surprised she hasn't noticed."

"How do you know she hasn't noticed?"

"I know it's hard to believe, but I'm a girl, and I _can_ tell when another girl is completely oblivious to something…" Phil nodded, but Pim, in a classic Pim fashion, added, "Then again, it is Blondie…"

Phil rolled his eyes. "Well, thanks for the sentiment, but… I'm going to try and figure this out myself."

"Okay," she said, and left without another word.

He thought for a while, before slapping his forehead, realizing that he'd just denied the help of the most level-headed person he knew in this century.

He dialed Via's cell phone number, and asked where she was. When she answered, he ran outside, ignoring the pouring rain. He finally slowed to a stop when she came into sight.

"I've changed my mind- I want to talk to you about this."

"That much is obvious," she replied, looking at Phil's rain-soaked shirt. She was protected by an umbrella from the downpour.

"Uh… can we discuss this inside?" Phil asked, realizing just how cold it was.

"Certainly," she replied, and they walked into her house. "So, what's on your mind?" she asked, taking a seat on her bed.

"Keely," Phil replied honestly.

She rolled her eyes. "What about her?"

"I…"

"Go on…" Via encouraged, after a beat.

"It's just that… she's been seeing a lot of guys lately, and when they break up with her… she gets really upset, and…"

"You don't want to help her when she's feeling broken-hearted anymore," she said, flatly. He nodded.

"I can't stand seeing her go out with these… these people anymore. They don't even know her like I do… they don't know what kind of a person she is, and they couldn't care less if they break her heart or not. And what really bothers me is that she keeps making the mistake of going out with them."

"Phil…" Via said, soothingly, but Phil took no notice.

"She always expects me to be there when the moment finally comes that they do break up with her… and I always _am_ there for her. Because that's what she wants, and I'll do anything she wants… I'll do anything for her… her face will always be etched in my mind…"

"Phil," Via said, a bit more sharply. Phil breathed in, and Via continued. "Have you ever told her how you feel about her?"

"No," Phil replied at once.

"Why not?"

_**Reach out**_

_**But you don't even see me (no you don't, no you don't, no you don't)**_

_**Even when I scream out**_

_**Baby you don't hear me (you don't hear me)**_

_**I am nothing without you**_

_**Just a shadow passing through…**_

Phil said nothing.

"Why not?" she repeated.

"I don't know…"

"Cowardice? Philophobia?"

" 'Philophobia'?" Phil asked. "What's that? The fear of people named Phil? Because I'm not afraid of myself."

"The fear of being in love or falling in love," Via replied, exasperatedly.

"So am I afraid of being in love with her? No… well… no…"

"What was that pause?"

Phil sighed. "Well, it's not that I'm afraid of being in love… I think. It's just that, I'm afraid she won't be in love with _me_…" Or he was afraid that once they fell in love, he'd have to leave her.

"Afraid of rejection, then…"

"Exactly."

"Phil, that's perfectly natural. We all fear being rejected by the ones we love."

"I know, but… I mean… Keely means the world to me. If I confessed to her, and she didn't like me back, then… I don't know if I can handle that…"

Via sighed. "Phil… are you sure you love her?"

"Yes," Phil said, full of conviction.

"Because I'm not sure she'd be able to handle another heartbreak… She's been through so much…"

"Don't worry, I'd never hurt her. We all know that."

"Well, Phil… I'm not sure what you've gotten yourself into… but if you truly, truly love Keely, then… maybe you should tell her…"

"But what if she doesn't feel that way about me?"

Via sighed. "Well, if you don't know how she feels, and you're suspicious that she doesn't feel that way, maybe you shouldn't tell her… I'd hate to see your friendship fall apart. Especially if you feel differently about her in a while…"

"But if I don't tell her--"

"Phil, what do you want from me?" she asked, exasperated.

"I want to be in your place… I don't want to be in love with my best friend…"

Via sighed. "I really wish I could help you, Phil, but I can't… I can't tell you what to do in this situation. Just… do what you think is right."

"Well… thanks anyway."

"Sorry I couldn't be of any more help…"

Phil walked back outside, still unsure of what to do. For once, Via hadn't really helped him…

Still, it felt good to talk to somebody about this.

_**(Invisible, invisible, invisible, invisible, invisible, invisible) Ooh…**_

_**If I was invisible (Whoa…)**_

_**Then I could just watch you in your room**_

_**If I was invincible**_

_**I'd make you mine tonight (I would you make you mine…)**_

_**If hearts were unbreakable**_

_**Then I could just tell you where I stand**_

_**I would be the smartest man**_

_**If I was invisible…**_

The rain splattered on Phil as he walked back to his house. So many things to say… so many things to think about…

The only thing he knew for a fact was that he loved her. That was the only thing he was sure of.

He arrived home, and as soon as he shut the door to his house, his phone started to ring. "Hello?" he asked.

"Hey, Phil… It's Keely." Her melodic voice soothed every nerve in his body. But… her voice sounded so… distant.

"Hey… what's wrong? You sound unhappy…"

"We broke up," Keely said, lacking emotion.

"Oh… are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. We just weren't meant to be together, so we decided to… part ways."

"Sorry to hear that," Phil lamented. No he wasn't. He'd never be sorry to hear that Keely broke up with a boyfriend that wasn't named Phil Diffy.

"Thanks, Phil… but I'm okay, I promise."

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)**_

_**If I was invisible…**_

"_Afraid of rejection…"_ Via had said. Maybe that was only partly true. Maybe he _was_ slightly philophobic. After all, in this century, best friends aren't supposed to love each other.

But fear of rejection played a big part, too. He didn't want to face it if Keely didn't feel the way he did. He wasn't sure how he'd react to that.

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)**_

_**If I was invisible…**_

"Do you think you'll ever find the right guy?" Phil asked.

"Why do you ask that?"

"I'm just curious… I mean, these guys don't seem to treat you very well… But you keep going out with them…"

"I know… but… you'll be there… and I'll have Tia, Via… all you guys could cheer me up, right? I mean, if the guy turns out to be a jerk, you guys could still be there for me, right?"

"I don't know about that…" Phil muttered.

"What? What do you mean?" Keely asked.

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)**_

_**If I was invisible…**_

"Phil? Are you still there?" she asked, as Phil remained silent.

_**(I'll make you mine tonight)**_

_**If I was invisible…**_

"Well, Keely… make yourself comfortable- this might take a while: I'm going to tell you everything… "

* * *

**So, you guys all know that I don't own "Invisible." That song was by the brilliant, brilliant Clay Aiken. You all remember Clay Aiken, right? **

**To be honest, I wasn't entirely satisfied with this story... but my opinions aren't the ones that matter. Feel free to let me know what you thought of little Ficcy. I know, I know, it's not exactly a resolved ending, but… Please review… it would make my day.**


End file.
